I Didn't Want to Live My Mother's Life
My mother died at 60, having spent most of her life looking after everyone except herself.
I was 31, with two young children, when I began wondering if I was heading down the same path.
My mother was a typical traditional Chinese mum. She rarely expressed her love in words, but she showed it through the things she did for us.
I especially miss her Cantonese double-boiled soup.
I had never known her to be sick. So when she was diagnosed with late-stage cancer and given six months to live, it came as a terrible shock.
She died within those six months.
After her death, I began thinking about the life she had lived. She had spent so much of it looking after everyone else. There were things she never got to do for herself.
And I started wondering whether I wanted to live the same way.
I was working in a corporate job managing industrial leases while raising two young children. Back then, nobody talked much about work-life balance, mental wellness or self-care.
None of my friends had experienced losing a loved one. I didn't think anyone would understand what I was going through, so I kept my feelings to myself.
I went through my days feeling sad and lost.
I started reading personal development books and keeping a journal. I asked myself questions I had never considered before.
What was really important to me? What memories did I want my children to have of me? Was I taking care of myself?
I spent several years trying to find my answers.
Then I began noticing a change in my eldest daughter. She was about to enter primary school, and she seemed to be becoming more withdrawn.
That troubled me.
I had already been thinking about leaving my corporate job to spend more time with my family. Seeing the change in my daughter was the final push I needed.
I resigned and set up an enrichment centre under a franchise. It was a big change, but it gave me greater flexibility to be with my family.
Some of my peers thought I was crazy.
But I had spent years questioning what mattered most to me, and I finally had the courage to do something about it.
Looking back, I have no regrets.
I still miss my mother, especially her double-boiled soup. And I often think about how much of her life she gave to us.
Her death made me look at my own life differently. My daughter's growing up made me realise I couldn't keep putting off the changes I wanted to make.
My mother taught me how to care for my family. Her death taught me to make room for myself.
Told by: Ng Siew Siew
Written by: Sam Choo
Story Tags: Motherhood, Loss, Life Choices
Ng Siew Siew shares how losing her mother at 60 led her to rethink her priorities and eventually leave her corporate career to spend more time with her family.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/siewsiew/
