> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.story.sg/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # I Hated My Cousin for Being Successful - URL: https://www.story.sg/i-hated-my-cousin-for-being-successful/ - Published: 2026-11-08T11:20:59.000Z - Updated: 2026-11-08T11:20:59.000Z - Author: sam choo "If only you were half as smart as Charles, I would be very proud of you!" Those words from my mother stayed with me for years. Charles is my cousin. We were both born in 1961, shared the same grandfather and carried the same surname. But that seemed to be where the similarities ended. Charles was brilliant. He topped his classes, completed his homework and loved studying. I preferred playing. I failed my examinations, neglected my homework and sometimes skipped the tuition lessons our grandfather gave us. By seventeen, Charles had already earned his private pilot's licence. He even took his proud parents flying in a Cessna. After his A Levels, he joined the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF) as a fighter pilot. Meanwhile, I had failed my O Levels and had to repeat Secondary Four. One day, my mother asked, "Your cousin Charles has joined the RSAF as a fighter pilot. What are you going to do?" I told her I had to repeat my examinations. That was when she made the remark about wishing I were half as smart as Charles. Deep down, I agreed with her. Charles was more intelligent than I was. But I also knew my mother loved me. She had never attended school, and comparing me with my successful cousin was her way of motivating me. I made myself a promise. *One day, I would make her proud.* After passing my O Levels on my second attempt, I applied to become an RSAF fighter pilot. I was rejected because I was partially colour-blind. I then applied to become a technician. Rejected again. Instead, I was offered a seven-year contract as an aircraft mechanic. I signed without thinking. That decision led to seven difficult years. I failed the qualifying examination seven times. Because I never qualified as a mechanic, I was never promoted. For seven years, I remained a Private. Meanwhile, Charles was building an impressive military career. I felt ashamed of myself. I blamed the RSAF, my superiors and my colleagues for my failures. I even directed my resentment towards Charles. At my worst, I entertained a terrible thought about causing his aircraft to crash if I were ever posted to his squadron. Looking back, I am ashamed of that thought. The truth was that I was angry with myself. I was immature, ambitious and frustrated that my life was going nowhere. Fortunately, my superiors were more understanding than I deserved. My Encik arranged for me to work regular office hours, from eight to five, while my colleagues continued working shifts. That allowed me to attend night classes. During those seven years, I had plenty of time to reflect on my life. I kept thinking about Charles. If he could become a successful military officer and gifted aviator, surely I could become successful at something too. After all, we are both Sihs. I told myself, *The Sih family is born to be successful.* Eventually, I completed my seven years of service and left the RSAF. I joined AIA as a financial adviser. For the first time, I began to discover what I could do well. I enjoyed communicating with people. I discovered that I had a talent for speaking and training. In 1996, I started my own training consultancy, specialising in interpersonal communication skills. I had finally found something I loved doing. But there was still unfinished business with Charles. During our years in the RSAF, we had hardly kept in touch. I had been too embarrassed by my lack of achievement. After we had both left the Air Force, I invited him to dinner. I told him I was sorry for not keeping in touch. I explained how difficult those years had been for me and how I had struggled with being compared to him. I also told him that now we had both left the RSAF, I hoped we could stay in touch. Charles accepted my apology. We have been meeting regularly ever since. Sometimes I jokingly address him as "Sir!" He replies, "I am Sih, not Sir." Today, I am proud of my cousin. He went on to hold senior appointments in the RSAF, including Commander of Paya Lebar Airbase, before retiring as Chief of Staff, Air Staff. I have come to realise that I had admired him all along. I simply struggled with the feeling that I could never measure up. There was one other person whose approval mattered even more to me. My mother. She never quite understood my work as a professional trainer. One day, before she passed away, I overheard her talking to my aunt. "I don't know what John does," she said. "He says he's a trainer, but he doesn't train dogs or people in gyms. He says he's a teacher, but he doesn't teach in schools." Then she added something I will never forget. "But I know that when my son John opens his mouth, people put money in his pockets!" I loved it. My mother had finally found her own way of describing what I did for a living. I thought, *Hey! That's a great description of my work!* Her words became a personal reminder. Whenever I speak, I want what I say to be valuable. If I have nothing worthwhile to contribute, I would rather keep quiet. My mother passed away before I ever told her how much those words meant to me. I wish I had. For years, I had wanted her to be proud of me. I think, in her own wonderful way, she was. And I wish I had told her how proud I was to be her son. --- *Told by: *John Sih** *Written by: Sam Choo* *Story Tags: Jealousy, Self-Worth, Family Relationships* John Sih is a Singapore-based public speaking trainer and communication educator who believes in sharing life's lessons through personal experiences. *"Speaking is my Passion, Selling and Training is my Life and Sharing is my Forte."* [https://www.linkedin.com/in/sih-john-855a0459/](https://www.linkedin.com/in/sih-john-855a0459/?ref=story.sg)